You have a wide scope of causalities and mistakes in dating. But when it comes to marriage, you need to be more specific about your compatibility requirements and understanding your partner. It’s a question for the rest of your life. They are going to be there with you after retirement when not every organ of yours will be in perfect shape. It’s about having a person in your life you can always count on, who’s there when you fall, love you when you need it the most, and you love doing the same for them.
Love in real life is nothing like that in the movies where they do brainless things and call it romantic. The bitter truth is that in reality, heart and mind are the wheel and engine of a successful marriage. Wrong decisions made in the heat of the moment, or maybe because you were oblivious can lead to an unhappy marriage, faded love, arguments, depression, trauma, and/or divorce.
Listing down a few things you need to do before settling for the one you’re planning to grow old with:
- Examine if you’re able to hold an intellectual conversation with them:: Have you ever wonder why you get addicted to a song and listen to it over and over again? And suddenly, when you’ve almost crammed the lyrics, it becomes less addictive? The human tendency is that we find beautiful things to be beautiful only until we aren’t habitual of it. Richy is attractive until you’re habitual of being rich. You love the sea if you’re traveling there but you’ll start finding it less attractive and more troublesome once you start living by the beach. Things come with an expiry date. A great philosopher once said, “Baby, ’cause in the dark, you can’t see shiny cars. And that’s when you need me there. With you, I’ll always share”. After some years, when you and you’re spouse will be alone, no wealth, beauty, postal address, or any other mundane thing will hold any value. What will matter is the quality of the conversation you’re able to hold with that person.
- Get to know their willingness to change: Accepting someone the way they are is overly romanticized. This goes for you as well. The false belief that you won’t change for anyone and people should accept you the way you are, will get you in serious trouble later in life. This is the same thing you need to watch out for in your partner. Make sure that they are not in a fallacy that they are godsent with absolutely no fluff. This is highly toxic and sooner or later will drain you out emotionally. We all have flaws and we all can work on them. Ensure to not go overboard with it and try to change everything about them. A person willing to learn is any day better than a person who already knows. Because they at least have a scope of improvement. This is what keeps a marriage healthy and love alive.
- Set boundaries: Setting boundaries is a must to save yourself some drama in the future. Plan things way ahead. Who’s income will serve what purpose? What is your opinion on having kids? How are you going to delegate tasks and chores? Whether or not, you’re comfortable with drugs. Are you willing to change your religion? This will give a brief idea to your partner that you are clearly uncomfortable doing a certain thing or dislike it when they do that. If they’re ready to accept this or settle on mutual ground, great. Otherwise, you need to rethink your decision. Marriage is not about compromise but, collaboration.
- Dig deep into their lifestyle: Know the fact that people generally try and put their best side forward. Think beyond how they’ve presented themselves in front of you. In the starting few years, they present themselves as the best partner you could ever have and you also love everything that belongs to them. But after a few years, they will eventually start being their true self or say, they will change. Think of the most basic necessities like hygiene, temper, etc. Understand the fact that you are going to share the same room for the rest of your life. Keep an eye on their behavior. The purpose is not to spy on them but to understand them better. Get to know their habits and traits. Get familiar with how their day looks like. What are the routine duties they perform and what initiatives do they take. Understand the way they think. Observe how they treat elders, children, the poor, and their parents. It is proven that a woman will treat her husband the same way she treats her dad in a few years. Also, a man will treat his wife the way he treats his mother. Pay close attention to what kind of relationship they have with their parents. After all, it’s about your life.
- Think with your brain and not your genitalia: Period
Here are some things to keep in mind before coming to any decision:
- Looks fade: Duh! Don’t take me wrong. I never said that looks don’t matter. They unquestionably do. Numerous times this happens that you experience passionate feelings for somebody yet the manner in which they look or present themselves out in the open humiliates you. You end up not letting people know that they’re the ones you’ve chosen. Definitely, the physical appearance of a person plays a vital role in building their overall personality. But, choosing your life partner based entirely on that can cause you colossal agony later on. As discussed in 11+ overlooked signs you’re more mature than you think, physical beauty isn’t permanent. It will be gone or at least start fading away in a few years. It’s only the inner beauty that will stay. The character, peculiarity, generosity, and comprehension are only a couple of the things that make it above physical beauty.
- Perfection is a myth: The most fundamental thing that you need to keep in mind while meeting not only the person you’re planning to be with, for the rest of your life but, anyone for that matter is that there is absolutely nothing called perfect. Neither things nor individuals. Leonardo Da Vinci went through 16 years on Mona Lisa and still, it wasn’t flawless or say, “perfect” according to him. Did the notion of the painter himself stop Mona Lisa from becoming one of the greatest compositions on the planet? No. Just because the painting wasn’t perfect, doesn’t mean it was any less beautiful or wasn’t worth it. This is the thing about perfectionism, the more you run after it, the more you will wind up baffling yourself. After all, how can you expect someone else to be perfect when you aren’t perfect yourself?
- If they look too good to be true, they probably are: Proceeding with the above point, nothing is perfect. On the off chance that they appear to be that way, this is a red flag for you to stop and take as much time as necessary to comprehend them appropriately.
- Review your decision and it’s consequences: Is this the marriage that you want or the wedding? Many people confuse the two. They think that their dream is to get hitched when what they actually want is shopping, attention, dance, celebration, photographs, and memories. You need to be crystal clear in the event you want marriage or not. And if you do, your decision should be founded on the reality of whether or not you see a future with them and not on the number of years you’ve spent together. It’s not about the past. What’s gone is gone. It’s time to be considerate about the rest of your life. Deliberately making a hellfire of your coming 30-40 years, since you’ve put in a couple of years with them presently is the most brainless choice you could presumably make.
The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for. - Bob Marley